10 Body Language Habits That Make You Intimidating & 10 That Make You Look Friendly
The Don’ts and Dos of Body Language
Actions speak louder than words, which is why your gestures, expressions, and body posture can make all the difference between appearing intimidating or welcoming. If you're wondering whether your habits are painting you as a villain or not, we've got you covered. Here are 10 body language habits you should drop—and 10 friendlier ones to adopt.
1. Crossing Your Arms
You might often cross your arms when you don't have pockets and don't know what else to do with your hands, but to others, this pose may make you seem closed off, defensive, and intimidating. Strangers may automatically assume you're unapproachable or not open to interaction.
2. Intense Eye Contact
Eye contact is often welcomed when you're conversing with others, but when you're staring for too long or too intensely, it can make others feel uncomfortable and want to back away from you. In fact, people may take it as a challenge, as if you're sizing them up.
3. Invading Personal Space
We all have our little personal bubble that we typically only allow close friends and family to step into, so when someone invades that space uninvited, it can feel intimidating. Crossing these boundaries without consent will immediately make others feel uneasy and unlikely to want to interact with you.
4. Emotionless Face
You might think a blank poker face seems like a neutral expression, but when there's no warmth in your features, you can come across as cold, unfriendly, and intimidating. People will often assume that you're disinterested or may not know how to interpret your attitude at all, which can further spike fear and uncertainty.
5. Stiff Posture
Sure, you want to maintain good posture when you're standing or sitting, but when you look too stiff it can make you look closed off. People often associate rigidity with seriousness, which might come across as unwelcoming and unfriendly.
6. Dominating the Conversation
Do you often speak over others and direct the conversation? Well, then you probably come off intimidating to others since dominating a conversation—and not allowing your peers a chance to add in their thoughts—can be seen as asserting control. This will only make people uncomfortable and drive them away.
7. Speaking in Low, Flat Tones
If you don't speak with inflections and variety in your tone, you can also come across as unapproachable and intimidating. People may assume you're disinterested, unwelcoming, impatient, or just lack warmth and enthusiasm.
8. Aggressive Gestures
Clenching your jaw and fists, waving your arms over-enthusiastically, slamming your hands on the table, and jabbing fingers at other people can all come across as aggressive and intimidating. Even if you're just passionate about the topic, these gestures can make you seem hostile.
9. Head Tilted Downwards
Even the way you tilt your head can come off intimidating. Research has shown that people who tip their chin slightly downwards (or upwards) can seem more aggressive and dominant, which might make others steer clear of you even before you say a word.
10. Checking Your Phone
Being distracted and constantly keeping your attention somewhere else, like your phone, can also make you seem unwelcoming and intimidating. It sends others a signal: that you find them unworthy of your time and not important enough to even glance at.
Are you guilty of these 10 intimidating body language habits? If you're wondering how to come off more friendly, here are 10 postures and gestures to pick up instead:
1. Smiling Genuinely
One of the easiest ways you can come off as more friendly is to smile genuinely at others. It shows not only warmth but attentiveness, and makes you seem much more welcoming and approachable. Think about it: would you rather ask a frowning stranger or a smiling one for the time?
2. Respecting Personal Space
As mentioned earlier, when you lean too close into someone's personal space, it can make you seem intimidating, and others won't feel as comfortable around you. To come across as friendly, respect others' boundaries, and only step closer when you're given the okay.
3. Relaxed Shoulders
When your posture—which includes your shoulders and spine—is too stiff, you can seem more dominant, unwelcoming, and intimidating. In contrast, when you appear more relaxed and comfortable, others are more likely to feel the same around you, too.
4. Warm Eye Contact
You don't want to avoid making eye contact, and you also don't want to stare too intensely at others, or else you'll scare them off. The key is to strike a good balance: keep your gaze warm, soft, and attentive. You want to make others feel seen and heard, but not like they're being scrutinized.
5. Leaning In Slightly
You don't want to lean too far in and cross someone's personal space, but just tipping in slightly shows others that you're attentive and engaged, which makes you come off more friendly and approachable. This small gesture might seem like nothing, but trust us, it can go a long way.
6. Open Posture
It's important to keep an open posture when interacting or conversing with others. This means leaving your arms uncrossed, relaxing your shoulders, and fully facing the person you're chatting with. Keeping an open stance invites others in and creates a welcoming environment.
7. Nodding
Even just nodding in agreement can make you seem more friendly and approachable. Why? Because it shows that you're attentive and fully engaged in the conversation you're a part of. When you nod, it encourages others to continue sharing and makes them feel heard.
8. Expressive, Controlled Gestures
Instead of flailing your arms around or slamming your fists down, keep your gestures expressive but controlled. It's fine to use your hands to emphasize your words when you talk, which allows others a glimpse of your personality, but the more wild and unnatural they are, the more your enthusiasm might be mistaken for aggression.
9. Mirroring Others
If you're not sure how you should position your body or show controlled gestures, you can also mirror others' actions instead. Subtly mimicking certain expressions and movements may make people feel more connected, familiar, and comfortable around you.
10. Turn Body Toward Speaker
Another easy body language tactic that makes you come off as more friendly? Simply turning your body toward the person you're chatting with. This communicates interest, attentiveness, and respect, which makes others feel more valued in your presence.
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