The Tells, the Truths, and the Tiny Things That Matter
Marriages don’t collapse overnight. They unravel quietly in the sense of growing resentment and silence that weighs heavier than shouting. And the ones that last are not always the perfect, fairy-tale unions either. They’re built using a mortar of inside jokes, compromise, and mutual annoyance softened by affection. Every couple has its own shared set of challenges. You can’t always see divorce coming, but sometimes, you can see the signs. Here are 10 predictors of divorce, and 10 indications that your marriage is solid.
1. Eye Rolling and Contempt
Psychologists regard contempt as the single strongest predictor of divorce. The little sneer, the sarcastic laugh, or the eye roll mid-argument tells your partner that they’re beneath you. Once that tone sets in, love struggles to find breathing room.
2. Keeping Score
You cooked dinner three nights in a row, but they forgot to take out the trash once and it’s a federal offense. That mental scoreboard may feel fair, even righteous, but marriage isn’t a tally. It’s a system of give and take, and sometimes you give more just because you can.
3. Parallel Lives
It’s sometimes easy to settle into two separate lives, even when you’re both living under the same roof. Conversations shift from passionate dialogues to logistical discussions regarding groceries and bills. Love often doesn’t die with a bang but a whimper that settles into an intractable silence.
4. Financial Secrecy
Money shouldn’t be at the heart of romance, but financial stresses can very quickly cause a marriage to run aground upon the challenges of mounting debt and an unsustainable lifestyle. When honesty around financial matters disappears, so does trust. And without trust, marriage becomes a hollow performance.
5. Lack of Curiosity
When partners lose interest in one another, they stop asking questions and wondering what thoughts are occupying the mind of their spouse. You talk and they half-listen, nodding absently while scrolling through their phone. When curiosity fades, so does connection.
6. The Constant Critique
There’s a difference between asking someone for help with something and declaring that they’re never helpful. Criticism chips away at confidence until the relationship becomes defensive by default. No one thrives in a courtroom marriage, where one is always on the defensive and the other is on the constant attack.
7. Physical Withdrawal
Intimacy goes beyond the bedroom to encapsulate the small touches like a brush of the shoulder or a hand on their back while passing in the kitchen. When those vanish, it’s like oxygen leaving a room. Sometimes you don’t even notice until the distance feels measurable.
8. Friends Stop Being Honest with You
Eventually, when you mention your partner among friends, there’s a strained silence. Friends start to say things like, “You deserve to be happy,” instead of advocating that you figure things out. It’s not that they want the marriage to end; they just see what you’re refusing to acknowledge.
9. Living in “If Only”
When you live in a state of mind that’s always reaching for a different version of reality, discontentment is inevitable. Everyone goes through seasons of difficulties, where they think that if they only had a little more money or lived in a different area code, life would be easier. Maybe, but maybe not. The happiest people are the ones who are able to find it regardless of their circumstances.
10. Avoiding the Hard Conversations
You both know there’s an elephant in the room, but you dance around the subject, pretending everything is fine. You think that by shying away from conflict, you’re preserving peace, but all you’re really doing is driving the trouble deeper beneath the surface.
And now, here are ten signs that your marriage is flourishing.
1. You Still Laugh—Even Mid-Fight
It sounds small, but laughter mid-argument is magic. It means that you both still have a healthy perspective. The fight stops being “me vs. you” and turns into “us vs. this stupid problem.” That tiny shift in thinking saves more marriages than counseling ever could.
2. You Remember the Details
Whether it’s their coffee order or that embarrassing childhood story, remembering the little details means you’re still tuned in. It shows that you still care and that they’re someone worth listening to.
3. You Can Argue Without Aiming to Win
Some couples think fighting means failure. It doesn’t. Fighting to win does. Healthy couples disagree like teammates reviewing a bad play. You can both still be frustrated, sure, but you’re ultimately on the same team.
4. You Share Inside Jokes That No One Else Gets
Inside jokes are the private language of marriage, and nothing feels quite as intimate as sharing a half-smile across a crowded room when that certain friend says that certain something that you both knew was coming. Inside jokes are proof that the connection still hums underneath the noise of daily life.
5. You’re Comfortable in Silence
We’re not talking strained silence, but the kind that’s only possible when you’re comfortable with one another. Real intimacy is being able to enjoy doing nothing together, when silence doesn’t signal distance, just peace.
6. You’ve Survived Something Hard Together
Hardship is practically inevitable, and at a certain point you’ll both have to grapple with illness, loss, job changes—you name it. The reality is, hard times forge trust. It’s not pretty, but it transforms your perspective from “me” to “us.”
7. You Still Flirt
Grand gestures are fine on occasion, but it’s the small stuff that spices up regular life. We’re talking good-natured teasing, the exaggerated but honest double-take as they’re getting ready. Flirting doesn’t always need to lead to the bedroom; it’s a reminder that you still see each other.
8. You Can Apologize Without Qualification
When you add a “but” at the end of your apology, it kills the whole point. Real apologies take humility. When both people can admit fault, it’s easier to reach a truce. Pride ruins more marriages than infidelity ever did.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
9. You Have Shared Goals Beyond Survival
These shared goals don’t have to be grand; they can be as simple as a shared trip or a show you watch together every Friday. Shared goals give you forward momentum and keep you moving in sync. Without them, marriage becomes maintenance.
10. You Still Choose Each Other
Marriages last despite the noise, the flaws, and the ordinary chaos of life when couples choose each other daily. Long-lasting couples know love isn’t static; it’s a decision made over and over. The ones who last don’t always feel the spark, but they keep striking the match anyway.
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