10 Signs You're a Horrible Friend & 10 Signs You're a Fantastic One
From Flaky to Fantastic
We all like to think we're good friends, but chances are, our habits might tell a different story. You're probably well aware of it, too, whether you're the one who everyone turns to when they need someone to lean on or the one everyone secretly dislikes. Wondering which side of the line you stand on? Here are 10 signs you're a horrible friend—and 10 signs you're a fantastic one.
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1. Constant Gossip
A horrible friend constantly gossips about others behind their backs—even their so-called "best friends." You might, for example, immediately share with everyone you know a new secret another friend told you about, even when that friend explicitly told you not to tell anyone.
2. Ignore What Others Have to Say
You don't care what others have to say. You don't give them space to voice their thoughts and opinions, because in your head, your perspective and your words are the only ones that matter. When others talk, you often interrupt and speak over them.
3. Backhanded Compliments
A backhanded compliment is one that sounds like praise on the surface, but is actually an insult. You might say something like, "That's pretty good coming from you," instead of a simple "Good job!" You know exactly what you're doing, too, and you like putting others down.
4. You Flake Last Minute
You make plans with your friends—only to flake last minute. It's understandable that things can come up unexpectedly, but when you do this all the time and don't have a good enough reason to be cancelling, it shows that you don't value other people's time.
5. You Make Everything About You
You don't just ignore what everyone else has to say—you make everything about you. You don't care when someone else is having a hard time and wants to confide in you; you're turning the conversation back to yourself and your problems the second you get the chance.
6. Jealous of Others' Success
Instead of congratulating or celebrating others' success, you're jealous and upset about their achievements. In your head, they don't deserve it—you do. You believe yourself to be better than everyone else, and that the only person who should be excelling in life is you.
7. Pick-Me Behavior
When your friend tells you they like someone, your first instinct isn't to help them out by being their wingman or wingwoman, but to make yourself stand out. For example, you might put down your friend and subtly throw out insults when they're in front of their crush, and try to seem "better" in comparison so that their crush will pick you.
8. Ghosting Without Explanation
You're never there when your friends need you most. You don't just flake last minute—you ghost others completely, cutting off all forms of communication. You only show up when it's beneficial for you, then disappear again when your needs are met.
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9. Never Apologize Even When You're in the Wrong
You're never the person to apologize first. When others are in the wrong, you'll belittle them until they regret their actions and beg for forgiveness, but when you're to blame for something, you'll never admit it. Instead, you try to brush it off as "no big deal" or gaslight others into thinking that way.
10. Overstep Boundaries
You constantly overstep boundaries your friends have set. You don't care when they tell you "no" or say they're not comfortable with something—you're pushing their buttons until they give in, anyway. This lack of respect means your friends may eventually drift away from you.
What, then, are some signs you're a fantastic friend? Let's jump into 10 admirable traits.
1. You Show Up
Even when it's inconvenient for you—packed schedules, personal responsibilities—you show up, because that's what good friends do. You're there when your friends need someone to lean on, and you're happy to be the one who makes them feel seen and understood.
2. You Listen Without Judging
You might sometimes offer constructive criticism, such as in cases when your friend was in the wrong, but you do your best to listen without judging or jumping to conclusions. Your friends know that if they need to vent, you've got their backs.
3. You Make Sure Others Feel Heard
You never interrupt when others are sharing their opinions and perspectives. Instead, you make sure others feel heard and that they have the space to speak up. You make sure that everyone feels included and that no one feels left out or kicked out of the loop.
4. Respect Time, Energy, & Boundaries
You understand that everyone has busy lives, and you respect their time, energy, and boundaries. If you need to cancel plans, you do your best to give your heads up early on. When others need to cancel, you don't make them feel bad for it.
5. Make Others Feel Safe
You not only make sure to give everyone space to speak, you also allow them to be themselves. You're their space spot, the person they know they can go to when they just want to let loose, be vulnerable, and not have to put up a wall.
6. You Celebrate Others' Successes
When others succeed, you celebrate their achievements as if they were your own. You love seeing your friends reach their goals, because that's what you hope they feel for you. Plus, you see your friends' accomplishments as your own: when they win, you do, too.
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7. Remember the Little Things
You do your best to remember little details, even the ones most people miss. You guard their secrets, understand their individual quirks, and recognize when they're feeling down. How? Because you're a great listener and observer, and you pay attention.
8. Make Sure to Check In Regularly
Even when your friends go silent, you make sure to check in regularly to see how they're doing. You're the kind of person who likes to schedule brunches and dinners to catch up, not just because you're curious about what's been happening in everyone else's lives, but because you want them to know that you care and that they matter.
9. Keep Promises
When you make a promise, you do your best to keep your word. This means you don't make plans halfheartedly—you make sure to follow through. If you do need to cancel, you take responsibility, communicate honestly, and make up for it before others have the chance to feel let down.
10. Uplift Others
You're your friends' number one cheerleader. You love celebrating them and all that they do, and you're there for them the moment they need a shoulder to lean on. You don't expect anything in return, either; you're not just complimenting them to get one back. Instead, you extend your unwavering support because that's what good friends do.
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