Control Your Lovelife
Attraction and chemistry are made and destroyed in the smallest of moments. Tiny behaviors and nuances can have a much more powerful effect than you might realize. So with that in mind, here are 20 ways to hack your lovelife.
1. Focus on the Person
Spend most of the time together listening and talking about your partner and their stories and achievements rather than talking about your own issues and problems. Create the circumstances for him or her to “shine,” and you will make them feel appreciated and valued. It reinforces connection and makes them more likely to enjoy your company and look forward to it.
2. Let Them Talk
Listen to someone talk about their work, their goals, their childhood, or their happiest memories, but don't get into difficult or heavy topics, such as failures, health problems, or money. Let them open up and feel heard and understood without it getting emotionally draining for either of you. It's a good technique for dating as it makes you both feel comfortable with each other.
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3. Ask for Help
Ask your partner for their advice or opinion on little things to show them that you care what they think. This helps to engage them and give them a small feeling of importance. In the long run, this makes you more emotionally connected and helps them feel capable and valued in the relationship.
4. Heart Racing
Put your partner in situations that give you both a mild adrenaline rush, like a roller coaster. For both of you, shared excitement, which is real, forms positive emotional associations, as well as increases attraction. The reason this works is that the brain associates the thrill with the other person.
5. Give and Take
Balance showing interest with absence, like not always texting back right away or taking occasional time apart. This can keep the relationship exciting and prevent over-familiarity, building more anticipation. It's a helpful dating technique to keep your partner valuing your presence and staying emotionally invested.
6. Big Asks
The door-in-the-face technique is when you start by asking someone to do a small favor and then later ask them to do a larger one. If this is done over a period of time, it is easier to have your partner agree to the large request because they have agreed to the smaller ones. This is a technique that can work well in dating because it helps establish trust, cooperation, and reciprocity in the relationship.
7. Mirroring
Mirror their body language, tone, or speaking style during conversations. Mirroring makes people subconsciously feel more familiar with you and at ease around you. Mirroring in dating helps build rapport and emotional connection, boosting attraction.
8. Intermittent Reinforcement
Give gifts, love, or attention randomly at intervals of time and not at fixed times. Randomness increases expectations and excitement, giving a more rewarding experience. It can be applied in dating scenarios to keep it more exciting and emotionally stimulating.
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9. Absence Makes the Heart Fonder
Distance yourself at times in a controlled manner to breed some level of yearning or expectation. This provides your partner the space to think about how much your presence means to them and pushes them to invest more emotionally. Applied with discretion, it can increase attraction and sustain interest without sabotaging trust.
10. Positive Reinforcement
Consistently reward good behavior with love. For example, hug your partner every time you see them. They will eventually associate positive reinforcement with these behaviors and be more inclined to do them again. In dating, this creates habits that increase intimacy and emotional bonds.
11. Imposed Value
Preselection is based on the principle that if others find you desirable, you are more desirable. The more people who are looking at you in awe, the better you look. The reason this technique works is that all people have an innate interest in those who are pursued by others.
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12. Darker Questions
Trauma fishing is a tactic where someone is baited into opening up about their deepest insecurities or past traumas while they do not do the same. This establishes a one-way emotional connection because they are close and vulnerable to you. This can be used in dating to speed up bonding but should be used ethically and carefully so it's not manipulative.
13. Building Anticipation
The forbidden fruit method centers around people's fascination with things that they can't have. Simply put, making things harder to get or harder to read are the two ways to achieve this method. Whatever is perceived as "off limits" or unattainable, people will want to put in more effort to get it.
14. Eye Contact
Hold eye contact slightly longer than normal. It creates intimacy and closeness. Research indicates that eye contact helps in building mutual attraction.
15. Use Their Name
Calling a person's name in a conversation makes the other person feel special. Hearing your name is just pleasing to the ears and makes you feel good about yourself. Name dropping in dating can make conversations more intimate.
16. Positive Expectations
Expecting the best behavior from your partner is a form of influence to shape their actions and reactions. You will notice that you subtly provide cues and reinforcement to your partner when you expect a particular behavior. This is also known as the Pygmalion effect, which basically means that people's beliefs about a subject can shape how the subject behaves.
17. Have a Life
Being independent and having your own life is an attractive quality that shows you are confident and self-reliant. People like their partners to be well-rounded and not too needy. It's a helpful dating tip because it leaves space, builds mystery, and promotes mutual respect.
18. One Foot Out the Door
Leaving when your partner does not value you enough in return is a self-respect signal. It helps you to avoid being clingy or desperate and encourages the other person to make an effort. In dating, being prepared to walk away can also heighten attraction and establish boundaries for emotional investment.
19. Be Warm
Warmth is being friendly and inviting so people feel comfortable around you. To open up, people need to feel safe and accepted by you. In dating, showing warmth signals you are open and nice, making them more vulnerable with you.
20. Casual Touches
Light, subtle touches, like on the arm or shoulder, stimulate subconscious feelings of warmth and intimacy. Humans generally respond in kind to minor physical contact. During a date, this increases comfort, attraction, and the chance of mutual emotional investment.
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