Negotiating Like Your Life Depends On It
There’s a very famous book by an FBI hostage negotiator discussing the art of the argument. Taking this work in mind, there are many tips and tricks out there for winning debates and convincing people to come to your side. In fact, here are 20 tips that will make you quite persuasive and hard to deny.
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1. Mirroring
Mirroring is an important tactic to be used during negotiations. This technique involves repeating the last few words the other person just said. This often makes the other person more comfortable and causes them to elaborate and share more information.
2. Win-Wins
Playing the ‘win-win’ game assumes that both sides are prepared to negotiate in good faith, which is rarely true in business. Playing it leaves you on the losing end or with both feeling dissatisfied if your counterpart is playing a ‘win-lose’ game. For high-stakes negotiation, it's good to remind yourself that no deal is much better than a bad deal.
3. Labeling
Labeling is the act of naming the other side's emotions during a negotiation. If you can demonstrate that you understand your counterpart's feelings, then you gain trust and coax them to reveal more information about what they really need.
4. Tactical Empathy
Tactical empathy involves showing interest in your counterpart's emotional state and viewpoint without indulging in gratuitous personal inquiries or sympathy. It's a shortcut to making a connection with your counterpart, building rapport, and negotiating in a time-efficient manner.
5. The No’s
Setting up a “no” earlier in a negotiation allows your counterpart to feel safe and in control. As opposed to using fear and pressure to force a “yes” early on, giving your counterpart the freedom to say “no” relaxes the mind and makes open, honest conversation possible.
6. Mislabeling
Mislabeling is a tactic in which you take the opposite approach of labeling by overstating or even fabricating hypothetical objections. By deliberately mislabeling your counterpart's feelings, you're forcing them to defend themselves, which in turn opens them up and gets them to reveal their true thoughts and priorities.
7. Accusations
Literally tell the other side everything they hate about your deal before they have a chance to tell you. A preemptive strike that defuses pushback by resetting their emotional bar too low. It's a setup for loss aversion.
8. Finding Leverage
Every negotiation has leverage. You just have to find it. One way is to look at what the other side will lose if the deal doesn't work and leverage their natural loss aversion. By making it a matter of loss, you can help shape the other side's decision.
9. Fairness
Fair is one of the most perilous words to drop in a negotiation. It fires up the amygdala and its associated emotional responses. Next time the fairness argument is raised, stop and apologize, and ask them to explain. Suddenly the burden is on them, and the issue stays on the table.
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10. Negotiating Styles
It's very important to know the negotiating style of your counterpart. Classify your negotiation partner into one of three categories. Are they an analyst, who considers all options? An assertive, who is concerned with speed and efficiency?
11. Open-Ended Questions
Calibrated open-ended questions, particularly ones beginning with what or how, can help your counterpart open up to you. They can't be easily dismissed with terse replies like why or yes/no questions, so the discussion can continue.
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12. Common Ground
Look for common ground is a negotiation strategy where you establish a base for a collaborative, win-win negotiation and bring out the best in each other. By identifying areas of mutual interest, goals, values, experiences, and needs, you can build rapport, align priorities, foster trust, and create a sense of shared purpose.
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13. Avoid Specifics
When asked about salary expectations, one of the worst things you can do is name a number first. If you absolutely have to, give a range or use a well-chosen odd number. Specific odd numbers like $4,671 seem more believable and researched than rounded numbers like $5,000.
14. Understand First
The best way to get the outcome you desire is to try to understand your counterpart. The best way to do this is to ask your counterpart questions. When your counterpart feels that you are trying to understand them, it builds trust and rapport.
15. Haggling Rules
The 65-85-95-100 rule is a negotiating technique in which you approach a haggle by starting at 65% of your budget and moving in small increments up to that. Each number gives the other side the impression that they have won a hard concession from you, when in fact you are merely negotiating towards your real target.
16. Small Talk
Negotiation doesn't require idle chit-chat to build trust. Listening is more important than talking to learn what's important and get a jump-start on trust. It saves time to skip the chase and respond to the other side's real interests.
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17. The Unknowns
Finding black swans is all about discovering the invisible unknowns that have the potential to upend a negotiation and swing it all in your favor. It's why getting your counterpart to speak is one of the best ways to hear about their true motivations and vulnerabilities. The best negotiators welcome surprises as an opportunity. When you're confused, it most likely means you’re missing vital information.
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18. Get Them Talking
Try to make the other side do most of the talking during a negotiation. The more they say, the more you learn about their needs, concerns, and vulnerabilities. Don't over-explain yourself because the more you talk, the more you may reveal weaknesses in your position.
19. Expect the Unexpected
Expect the expected. Most negotiations will present you with the same predictable turns and phases. For example, expect new information or negotiating ploys late in a negotiation, and have a plan to deal with them in advance.
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20. Listening
Listening is the most effective weapon in any argument. It is by listening carefully that you can detect your opponent's true fears, wants, and motivations and respond with compassion rather than hostility.
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