How to Move Forward in a Healthy Way
A fear of intimacy affects many people, and it often stems from traumatic events that reshape our understanding of relationships. As disheartening as it can be, let’s explore a few common symptoms so you know what to look out for—and how to build a safe path toward healing.
1. Struggles With Physical Contact
Interestingly, those who struggle with intimacy may fall on either side of the spectrum. On the one hand, many people actively avoid physical contact (hugs, cuddling, intercourse), while others may actually need constant contact. Either could be a sign that you deal with a fear of intimacy.
2. Sabotaging Relationships
An unfortunate side effect of intimacy struggles is self-sabotage. When people get too close, some individuals may invent made-up problems or become overly critical of themselves and others, which often pushes people away; sometimes it feels easier to sabotage a relationship before it even begins.
3. Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Those with a fear of intimacy have a hard time expressing their feelings. They likely won’t reach out for help. They don’t communicate with their partner. They may not even know how to articulate their feelings properly.
4. Low Self-Esteem
A fear of intimacy can easily lead to low self-esteem. Dealing with feelings of inadequacy or struggling to maintain relationships could lead to negative self-talk or a fear of rejection. Low self-esteem can also make it even harder to let people in.
5. You Tend to Dissociate
Those in relationships can still struggle with intimacy—even if they live together. From solo activities to constant distractions, some people try their hardest to avoid getting close to their partner or spending time with them. While you obviously want your own identity in a relationship, communication and quality time are just as important.
6. Perfectionism
Many who challenge intimacy don’t believe they’re worthy of a good relationship; it’s a common root cause of their feelings and can lead to additional unhealthy behaviors like perfectionism. Some may feel they need to don a “perfect” persona to be valued.
7. You Don’t Share Much
It’s much harder to be vulnerable if you sabotage relationships and harbor low self-esteem. That’s why many with a fear of intimacy don’t communicate with their partners or let them in on the real them.
8. Trust Issues
The fear of intimacy often stems from traumatic events like abuse, the loss of a parent, or childhood neglect. These experiences not only lead to intimacy struggles down the line, but they can also cause severe trust issues.
9. Fear of Commitment
Those dealing with a fear of commitment can still build relationships—but when that bond starts to blossom, they may shy away. Commitment means vulnerability, communication, and a deeper understanding, all of which can seem incredibly daunting.
10. You Hide Your Partner
Have you ever intentionally kept your partner away from loved ones? It could be a sign of emotional intimacy issues. Some people don’t want their partner to get too close, so they keep them away from friends and family to ensure they never achieve that connection.
As scary as intimacy struggles can be, there is hope to build lasting relationships with those who love you! Let’s dive into a few ways you can cope and build a better tomorrow.
1. Recognize the Signs
First and foremost, try to recognize the signs of intimacy issues. Whether it’s sabotaging relationships or an innate fear of vulnerability, understanding common symptoms is the first step to healing.
2. Consider Speaking With a Professional
Consider speaking with a professional. Therapists can get to the root of your concerns and help you work through them in a safe environment. You’ll be able to move forward healthily and always have someone in your corner.
3. Be Kind to Yourself
Of course, a big step forward is showing kindness to yourself. Whether that’s being patient in the face of obstacles or simply acknowledging that you’re worth it, a bit of kindness goes a long way.
4. Broaden Your Understanding
No relationship is perfect, and that’s okay! It’s important to remind yourself that even the healthiest partnerships come with their fair share of arguments and disagreements. The sooner you forget about the “perfect” relationship, the sooner you can build a solid foundation.
5. Spend More Time Together
It might seem a bit weird at first, but try to spend more time with your partner. You don’t need to make big sweeping changes at first, but even small steps forward build a better connection between you two. Try to find activities you both enjoy, and do them often! Put away any distractions like phones or laptops, too.
6. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Internalized negativity will only keep you down—challenge those thoughts the next time they pop up. If you need a little help on your journey, consider cognitive behavioral therapy. In therapy, you can rework how your brain responds to negativity and develop healthier strategies.
Antoni Shkraba Studio on Pexels
7. Practice Open Communication
It won’t be easy, but open communication is more than worth it. Remember: the more you share your feelings, the easier it’ll become down the line. Speak with your partner about what’s bothering you and ask them to be patient on your journey to healing.
8. Keep a Journal
Journaling isn’t always for everyone, but it can be a useful tool for either yourself or a therapist. You might have an easier time expressing yourself on paper. You might track triggers for you and your therapist to work through. Either way, it’s a helpful activity that puts you in touch with your feelings.
9. Prioritize Your Relationships
Those who struggle with intimacy don’t always put their relationships first. However, your healing journey should include a shift in priorities. Carve out some time with your partner: go on dates, watch a movie together, or simply enjoy the moment together. Prioritizing your bond will only strengthen it.
10. Set a Few Goals
There’s no shame in making a list of goals, so spend some time and think about what you really want in life. Whether you work with a therapist or share your aspirations with your partner, visualizing goals gives a better perspective on your priorities.
KEEP ON READING
