Are You Walking Into a Disaster?
New relationships are filled with excitement—first kisses, long glances, and all those possibilities on the horizon give us something to look forward to! But you never really know how many red flags you’ll spot on that horizon, which is why we’ve broken down a few obvious ones to look out for, and a few subtle ones people miss.
1. They Lack Conflict Resolution Skills
It may be the early stages of your relationship, but pay close attention to how they handle conflict. If they gaslight you, deflect, or get overly defensive, it’s usually a window into what you can expect down the line.
2. You’re Their Main Source of Support
We all want a partner we can lean on, but there’s a difference between sharing your feelings and putting unfair expectations on someone. If they turn to you as their sole confidante or use you as a therapist, it’s usually a sign they have some unresolved issues to work through. Don’t get us wrong—it’s not a problem to have them! But, it’s an issue to expect your partner will heal you.
3. Love Bombing
Love bombing seems great on the surface. You might score a free meal or even a cute gift, but that kind of behavior leads to more insidious treatment down the road; persistent interest develops into a pattern of manipulative behavior meant to keep you dependent on them.
4. They Don’t Really Listen
It’s one thing if a new partner forgets your favorite book—it’s another if they don’t remember anything about you. Partners who don’t listen now definitely won’t listen as things blossom, so it’s worth keeping an eye on.
5. Friends and Family Don’t Approve
It’s easy to miss subtle cues with all the roses and dinner dates, but do you know who isn’t convinced? Friends and family. Our loved ones aren’t shy about voicing their opinion; if no one in your circle likes them, it might be time to take a step back.
6. How They Treat Others
You learn a lot about a person based on how they treat others, especially when they don’t have to be kind. Chances are, if your partner yells at waitstaff or mistreats employees, you’re next in line. People don’t often hide that behavior either, so keep a lookout from day one.
7. Every Ex is “Crazy”
Hey, we all have a story about that “one ex.” But it’s never a good sign when every single ex was “crazy” or “terrible.” It’s pretty telling when partners only criticize their previous relationships—and it warns you that they were likely a bigger problem than they let on.
8. You Always Make the First Move
The right person will never make you chase, so pay attention to who makes the first move. Do you always have to reach out to them? Do they ever message you first? If you’re the only one putting in the work, things won’t get any better down the road.
9. The Relationship Started on Rocky Ground
Sometimes, history is doomed to repeat itself. Relationships born from infidelity often have a higher chance of repeat offenders. It might not be today, and it might not be months from now, but the odds are unfortunately higher. The best way to ensure a healthy relationship going forward is to deal with the underlying cause instead of assuming things will work themselves out.
10. Demeaning “Jokes”
There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy banter back and forth! There is, however, something wrong with the partner who always cuts you down. It’s only worse if they invalidate your feelings by claiming nasty comments are a “joke.” The right partner won’t criticize everything you do—and they’ll apologize if they hurt you.
Now that we have some subtle flags out of the way, let’s dive into a few glaring signs that you’re in a toxic relationship.
1. Any Kind of Abuse
Physical or emotional, it doesn’t matter; abusive partners demean and downright harm their significant others, so don’t ignore the warning signs. That kind of behavior can extend to others as well, including animals, children, or strangers.
2. No Communication Skills
Good relationships are built on solid communication. Your partnership will never thrive if they gaslight you during arguments or avoid difficult conversations, so pay attention to how they communicate with you.
3. Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior can look like anything from policing where you go, dictating who you’re friends with, and snooping through your items. It can also look like guilt trips or financial control. No good partner will act like they own you, and it’s a giant red flag if they cross into that territory.
4. You Can’t Talk to Them
Proper communication allows both parties to openly share their feelings—and it’s a big warning sign when you can’t. Anything from gaslighting to constant interruptions can scare someone away from vulnerability, which is a good indicator you’re with the wrong person.
5. They Cross Your Boundaries
It doesn’t matter what your boundaries are, the right person won’t cross them. Boundaries are meant to protect us, so establish yours early to ensure everyone’s on the same page. If they cross your line regardless, even in “innocent ways,” it’s an obvious sign your well-being isn’t exactly a priority.
6. Rushing the Relationship
Everyone moves a little differently in a relationship. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with trucking through the milestones, both partners should be on board. If they’re too quick to hop into bed or confess their love, it could be a sign that you want different things.
7. They Keep Things From You
The odd white lie isn’t the end of the world, but that pattern of behavior could spell trouble. Do they always hide their phone around you? Are they vague about their whereabouts? Do they avoid meaningful conversations? It’s difficult to get close to someone who won’t open up—and it’s only worse if you think they’re hiding something.
8. You Always Argue
The occasional argument is actually healthy in a relationship; disagreements can establish boundaries, strengthen communication, and promote conflict resolution. Constant arguing, on the other hand, is a clear-cut sign of poor communication and unresolved issues.
9. They Don’t Have Many Friends
We’re not talking about people with tight-knit social circles. We’re talking about people who don’t have any relationships outside of your own. Friendships are a lot like romantic relationships, and people who can’t nurture genuine connections might have the same problems with you.
10. You Have a Bad Feeling
At the end of the day, listen to your gut. Our internal radars go off whenever something seems fishy, so don’t ignore what your body tells you. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable with someone, there’s likely a reason.
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