Get Your Relationship Back on Track
Moving on from a betrayal takes time, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Couples who put in the work can rebuild their foundation and move forward together, which is why we’ve put together a list on how to do exactly that.
1. Physical Affairs
Many couples have dealt with adulterous partners, and it’s one of the biggest betrayals to work through. Regardless of whether it was a one-night stand or an ongoing affair, that breach of trust can send a relationship crumbling down.
2. Emotional Affairs
The sad reality is that physical affairs aren’t the only form of cheating. Emotional affairs cause just as much harm, and for some people, they might even be worse. For example, it’s easy for offending partners to claim they didn’t “actually cheat,” which leads to gaslighting and further hurt. It can also be devastating for partners to feel like they’ve been replaced.
3. Hidden Financial Trouble
Couples are meant to work together against hardship, and that includes financial strain. It’s unfair to hide financial woes from your significant other, especially if those struggles directly affect them. That broken communication can also indicate deeper problems in the relationship.
4. Sharing Secrets
If we can’t trust our partners, who can we trust? Sharing secrets might seem harmless in the moment, but that breach of confidence only hurts your partner. What’s more, it could encourage them to avoid future vulnerability.
5. Emotional Disconnect
Unfortunately, couples can struggle with empathy in a relationship. It can happen after something serious, like the death of a parent. It can also happen after something like a lost promotion. Though we expect our partners to support us during tumultuous times, they don’t always step up to the plate, which drives a wedge between people.
6. Conditional Commitment
There’s nothing worse than knowing you’re the only partner who's committed. Some significant others jump into relationships for the wrong reasons—and one of the worst is waiting for better options. It’s a total violation of trust and seriously hurts the other person.
7. Lying
We’ve all told little white lies, but there’s a difference between sparing someone’s feelings and persistent dishonesty. Constant lies not only damage a connection, but they also make it harder for partners to speak openly. No talking means no communication, and suddenly, two major pillars fall in the relationship.
8. Forming a Coalition
It could be a husband who ignores his mother’s mistreatment. It could be a wife who overshares personal information with her sister. Either way, those external factors drive a wedge between couples. It’s hard to juggle several relationships, but your partner deserves love and support.
9. Broken Promises
Broken promises mean broken relationships. Partners can easily feel betrayed or disappointed when their significant other falls through, and a broken promise is just as damaging as infidelity or lying.
10. Sudden Coldness
No one said you have to jump into bed at the drop of a hat. However, sudden coldness towards your partner’s desires can leave them stranded and confused. If you don’t communicate your struggles to them, sudden rejection can lead to resentment and hurt feelings.
Now that we know what common betrayals look like, let’s explore healthy ways to rebuild trust.
1. Honest Apologies and Responsibility
The first thing offending partners should do is apologize—apologize and mean it. Be specific with apologies as well. Take responsibility, acknowledge wrongdoing, and express concrete plans for change. Thorough admissions show your partner that you’re willing to put in the work.
2. Lay Everything on the Table
Now’s not the time for subtlety. After a betrayal, speak openly about what hurt you and brainstorm solutions on how you can both move forward. The foundation is already shaky, so you don’t need to add hidden feelings or future resentment to the list.
3. Get to the Root of the Problem
Couples therapy is a good tool to uncover root trauma and work on solutions together. An important step to moving forward is acknowledging the root cause of destructive behaviors; offending partners can build a safe, healthy path forward that helps them heal and rebuilds trust.
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4. A Genuine Desire for Change
People won’t change unless they want to. Have an honest discussion with your partner and see what the future holds for you; partners need to be 100% committed to rebuilding the relationship and earning back your trust.
5. Let Go of the Anger
Your relationship won’t get far if you hold onto the anger. That’s why having honest discussions is so important! When you air everything out, you won’t deal with resentment down the road, and you won’t make yourself sick with unexpressed feelings.
6. Manage Your Expectations
Healing isn’t a linear process. Every couple is different, so while some recover in a few months, others can take far longer before they heal. Be patient with your partner and be honest about what you want out of the relationship.
7. Work on Communication
Couples can’t make it without communication. Work on rebuilding that vulnerability (or work on it for the first time). Partners should be able to speak to each other, share their feelings, and do so without fear of betrayal.
8. Step Away From the Past
To truly move on, you need to move forward. There’s no use dwelling on the past; holding onto old grievances hurts you both and can hinder all the progress you’ve made. If you want to stay with your partner, you have to learn healthy ways to move ahead.
9. Feel Your Emotions
You might want to hide your anger or your heartbreak, but now’s the time to let those feelings loose. You don’t do yourself or your partner any good by pretending things are okay. If anything, hiding your emotions only encourages them to come back later—often, far stronger.
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10. Be Honest With Yourself
There are some betrayals people can’t forgive. Be honest with yourself. Do you truly see a future with the person who hurt you in this way? Do you want to rebuild your relationship with them? There’s no shame in stepping away from something, or someone, that hurt you.
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