How to Mend a Broken Heart
It’s every partner’s worst nightmare. Infidelity causes all sorts of emotional trauma—anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and future trust issues can turn someone’s life upside down. But that doesn’t mean you can’t heal from heartbreak. Let’s explore a few warning signs of adulterous partners and a few ways to properly heal.
1. Sudden Secrecy
There’s always a little mystery in relationships, but sudden secrecy is a far cry from harmless omissions. If your partner starts guarding their laptop or tucks away their phone when you enter the room, it might be cause for concern.
2. They Accuse You
Funnily enough, cheaters often accuse innocent partners of infidelity. With so much guilt burdening them, it’s easy to project that dishonesty onto unsuspecting people. Keep an ear out for any bizarre accusations or sudden jealousy.
3. Unexplained Expenses
Does your partner have strange charges on their credit card? Are they struggling with money lately? Drastic changes to their expenses could mean something fishy on the side. You’re well within your rights to ask about missing funds, so it might be worth the investigation.
4. You Can’t Reach Them
People don’t monitor their phones 24/7, but you know your partner’s habits. It’s one thing to miss a phone call, but it’s another to ditch text messages or go missing for large chunks of the day—especially if that’s a new behavior.
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5. Improved Appearance
Not all improvement means infidelity! Some partners make weight loss resolutions or announce their plans for a gym membership, and that’s normal. What’s abnormal, however, is a noticeable swing in their appearance. Suddenly spending hundreds on a new wardrobe or dousing themselves in perfume could be a red flag.
6. Changes to Libido
Adultery often causes a significant shift in libido; some people develop stronger urges while others withdraw completely. True partnerships rely on communication, so if you notice anything strange, it’s worth talking to your partner regardless. If they get defensive or shift blame, that could spell trouble.
7. You Catch Them in Lies
Affairs don’t hide forever. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple, “Where were you last night?” to catch your partner in a lie—even if you didn’t mean to. If your partner’s story doesn’t line up, it’s probably time to have a serious talk.
8. They Give You Random Gifts
We’re all for random displays of affection, but adulterous partners invest in spontaneous gifts out of guilt, not affection. While a surprise bouquet isn’t cause for concern, an explosion of gifts very well could be.
9. Defensive Behavior
No one likes confrontation. It’s awkward for them, it’s awkward for us, and it often opens a whole can of worms. But confrontation also reveals more than meets the eye, especially with cheating. If your partner gets overly defensive, deflects blame, or contradicts themselves in conversation, you might be headed for a revelation.
10. A Gut Feeling
They call it a “gut feeling” for a reason. Don’t deny the power of intuition; if you suspect something is amiss, it probably is. Should alarm bells sound, it’s important to talk with your partner rather than engage in destructive behaviors.
Cheating is the kind of betrayal people struggle to get past—but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. Now that we know a few warning signs, it’s time to delve into proper coping mechanisms.
1. Figure Out What You Want
First and foremost, you need to figure out what you want. With a little counseling and lots of responsibility, many couples can survive this kind of betrayal. Other partners consider cheating a hard line in the sand. However you feel, pay attention to what you really want.
2. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Whether you leave or give them another chance, you need to let yourself grieve. Expressing your emotions ensures you deal with them now instead of falling victim to them later. Grief comes in many forms, too, so it’s okay if you’re angry instead of sad.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
You’ve just experienced a massive blow, so a little self-care is in order. That doesn’t mean destructive behavior or unnecessary vices—true self-care means taking care of your well-being. It could be spending time with loved ones, making sure you eat, or distancing yourself from your partner.
4. Consider Seeing a Therapist
No one said you had to endure alone. Therapists can talk to you about the grieving process, walk you through the best path forward, and provide you with essential resources. Remember: adultery is a huge betrayal, and some people need a bit of guidance to overcome it.
5. Lean on Loved Ones
Your loved ones are always there for you, and now’s the time to lean on them. They provide a shoulder to cry on or a welcome distraction, so don’t be afraid to reach out when you need them most.
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6. Don’t Blame Yourself
As hard as it sounds, don’t blame yourself for your partner’s mistakes. Infidelity happens for all sorts of reasons: low self-esteem, unmet needs, emotional immaturity. Regardless of why it happened, blaming yourself is a slippery slope—cheating reflects your partner, not you.
7. Keep Yourself Busy
It’s important to express your feelings, but it’s just as important to keep busy. The last thing you need is to stay at home all weekend and dwell on what happened. Instead, call your friends or indulge in hobbies. Activities keep you from spiraling and can help reestablish a routine.
8. Try New Things on Your Own
Did you decide to part ways with your partner? That’s okay. With so much free time on your hands, you have the perfect excuse for new experiences. Anything from hiking nature trails to exploring local events gets you out of the house and broadens your horizons.
9. Don’t Expect Immediate Healing
As much as we’d love to move on, healing isn’t a linear process. You might feel great one day and terrible the next. You may need time off from work. You might not feel like yourself for a while. It’s all normal, and it’s all part of your healing journey.
10. Focus on Yourself
It’s tempting to lash out at the other person, but retaliation only makes things worse. So does stalking Instagram. For your own sanity, focus on yourself without all the drama. Detox from social media, distance yourself from your ex, and put together an action plan on how you’ll move forward.
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